Posted on by noob and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Should you quit smoking today? It’s raining, better wait. Should you go on Atkins? Can you really eat nothing but bacon and still fit into a size 8? This guy does.

Or doesn’t — depending on whether its really him, or his cyber-jacked identity raped shell of an internet self.

“If you’d told us the truth, we would’ve told you to shove that red pill right up your ass.”

(alternate title: The Media Lies?) 

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9 Responses to Cyjackers?!

  1. nohope says:

    What the hell is this post supposed to be about?

    • operator says:

      Posted on July 14, 2011 by noob and tagged exotica, humor, narcissism, pet food.

      Related posts: The Problem of Trolling

    • noob says:

      Just scan the fucking article! It is hilarious. And there are little gold nuggets strewn about the author’s vague self-absorbed bitch-fest, like Cyjackers. I think those who read and consider critically will find that there are issues at hand which dovetail on those Alone frequently posts about: media manipulation, identity problems, denial (?). I’m not trying to troll! Forgive a little bit of subtlety, maybe I should turn to the rum and give it to y’all straight next time.

      Long live Marx.

      • eqv says:

        So your thesis is: on the internet, nobody knows you’re a dog, and nobody knows if you really do have a brutal nicotine/drinking habit?

        To which I say: even if he is lying/conflating aspects of his identity (a process made easy by the internet) it’s still a mildly amusing rant/piece of first-person narrative. But I agree wholeheartedly that the author is pretty selfabsorbed. He wants to make sure we know he’s the kind of person who isn’t taken in by news media scare-stories; that he is the kind of person who’s driven into a rage by some shitty network’s shitty attempts to sell a few extra adverts. But here I am, building up my own internet persona by shitting on his. By the way, I’m drunk. Or am I? I guess I’ll find out tomorrow.

    • TheDevastator says:

      Geez, it’s pretty clear what noob is saying. If you don’t understand, you’re part of the problem.

      I’ll give you a hint: Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

      • eqv says:


        Yeah, you’re right, I’m a part of the problem for posting an (admittedly substandard & rushed) response to what I perceive noob to be saying.

        But please, by all means, quote some more two-year-old memes at me, to help me understand.

        • TheDevastator says:

          Oh hey, sorry! I was actually trying to reply to nohope’s first comment above. And I was trying to be funny — like nohope, I have no idea what the original post was trying to say. What do you think?

  2. noob says:

    also TLP rules and I really hope this website grows. i’ve only posted a few times but I have read the majority of Alone’s articles. One of the reasons why I like reading is that most of his (or her) pieces convey well-formed arguments, as well as elements of ambiguity and parody. Don’t take it so seriously — we’re all obsessed with identity in the same ways. I’m just as big of a deluded oaf as the author of the Cracked! article. (and come on, it’s from Cracked!)